Decisions, decisions

Updated: Aug 5, 2018

I’m a not quite sure where this blog is going to go, but I am just going with it as its something I have been thinking about!

It’s amazing how sometimes it takes just 1 decision to completely change your life.

I realized that it is now 3 years ago this week I made a decision and to this day I still don’t know for the life of me if it was the best or worst decision.

My decision was a big one…  whether or not to leave a job I loved all because of 1 person creating my life a living hell.

I often wonder what would have happened if I just “stuck at it” for a bit longer?  After all I loved the company, the product and the ‘family’ working environment and everything was great (well as much as it can be in any job) – the only issue was her! 

Would I have become a stronger person and learnt how to deal with her?   

Would I have survived until she handed in her notice (which she did shortly after me)?

Or would I have just become more ill than I have been (though I cant begin imagine what that could have been)?

If only we could know the answers to these questions and end all the “what ifs”.

Before the nightmare started I could see the route my life was going to be going (well as much as you ever can) and now I really have no idea.  I would never have thought I would leave the world of fashion, a world I had worked hard to get into.

I resent the fact I felt I had no choice but to leave a job I had worked so hard to get to.    I also resent the fact that I had no idea that it was possible to get signed off work for anxiety – if I had known that everything would have been different.

From the moment I left (although I was devastated) I knew it was the right decision. But now 3 years later I can’t help but wonder if I over-reacted seeing as what has happened since.  I don’t think I did as if I had I don’t think I would have crumbled as much as I did in front of HR when handing in my notice.

I would never have known that, that from that 1 decision things could go the way they did.

It is really scary how 1 single decision can have such an impact on a life – whether for the best or worse.  This now really scares me.  I hate the fact I am now scared to have a job and scared even to apply for a job "just in case" anything triggers me again. 

What I have been thinking a lot about is whether that 1 decision you make effects what happens or is whatever happens just inevitable and will happen to us one way or another anyway? Who knows… Due to it being 3 years since I made that decision it is something I have been thinking about a lot recently, so I thought I would share my experience and see what others think.

Here’s hoping the next big decision I have to make will be the right one!!


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